Wednesday, September 29, 2010

20 more days of hard liquor!

(From September 29th...)
Today we've had what might be our worst disappointment yet.  We are at day 15 and Heather hasn't ovulated yet; Nurse Nina has advised us to send the sperm back and wait another month.
Monday I butted heads with my boss just about as much as we have ever done so; the last time, actually, was our previous insemination, when I told him I needed to be out for more than an hour at lunch.  We had the same drama this time as he implied that perhaps my presence at the clinic was optional.  Fortunately, it wasn't time, and we were back within an hour.  Our disagreement was a moot point, but now that we've given up for the month, I'd rather he be mad at me than watch Heather's face as she gets the news.
We'd thought the chances were good for Monday, day 13 of Heather's cycle, but the monitor showed no egg/dot.  Neither did the cervix offer any affirmation.  That we'd be spending hours in the clinic on our day off instead of during the work day was ideal, so we were almost relieved, and I spent Monday night anxiously trying to divide up the day so we could accommodate the insemination(s) and maybe get our long-overdue oil changes and my car through inspection.  I called Nurse Nina to ask her how to approach things, and she said for sure to wait till the monitor gave us the peak-fertility sign-- a surprise given her previous dismissal of that new-fangled, non-mucusy contraption.  So we felt okay and slept happily knowing we had a whole day to knock Heather up without interruption.
Lo and behold, hubris struck the lesbians down.  When we woke up Tuesday, there was no egg on the screen.  My solution, as always, was to tip Heather onto her back and check her cervix (yes, she was conscious).  No go.  I mean, we had plenty of time for oil changes-- Heather even got her air filter replaced-- but we also had plenty of time to feel crummy and anxious.  Today is day 15, and she's never ovulated this late.  I tried to justify it with last week's full moon, but I don't even know the difference between a full moon and a new one, so I for sure don't have confidence in saying what the big white thing means relative to Heather's cervix.
Talked to Nurse Nina again.  Same story: we'd give her a call after the monitor showed us the magic egg, and then go to the clinic to meet her.  I texted two co-workers, then e-mailed them as back-up, to let them know we would be in late.  I packed up one of Heather's t-shirts so she'd have something homey with her during insemination.  I regretted not buying the portable speakers from Bed, Bath & Beyond so she could listen to nice music, too.
Wednesday morning broke sunny and cool, and that goddamn, motherfucking cup of pee denied us a baby in its quiet, yellow way.  Heather, not a morning person, had left it out for me to test-- waking up and peeing into a cup is as much energy as she can put forth that early in the day-- and I was left to wake her up when the egg wasn't there.
We discussed our options.  Tuesday we'd somehow come to the agreement that, if the egg wasn't there, we would lie to Nina and say it was, just so we could be sure we got the insemination done in time.  Still, when faced with the monitor and an uncertain cervix, I called Nina and copped to it.
Her response was worse than we expected: she said that, if we'd never had an ovulation this late, something was awry.  Even if the egg showed up tomorrow, it probably was an irregular cycle and our chances wouldn't be good.  At least in sending it back, we would have the sperm next month, while using it now would probably be a waste.  Wait till next month, she said.
Today is our anniversary.

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