So, what would happen we stopped working with Nurse Nina?
I sat down to lunch with Heather and our friend Lamont, feeling despondent about a work conversation I'd just had. They were joking about my plans to babysit our friends' baby tonight; Heather said she didn't feel like going and that it would be good for me to do it alone to "see if I really wanted one." Feeling even more sorry for myself, I said, "Well, it doesn't matter if I do. It feels like we're never going to have one anyway."
It was pathetic to say and both my lunch companions promptly called me on it, but lately it's felt true. We've just come off the painful disappointment of our failed second insemination, only to hear a few days later that we can't try again for months. The prospect of a baby, floating before our eyes since last January, feels so distant right now.
Heather, having just rescued me (almost) from self-recrimination over my talk with the boss, bravely entered to the fray again.
"Why don't we just do it anyway? We can go buy another donor's sperm and do it at home. Why do we need Nurse Nina?"
Why indeed? Just because one couple who had a baby worked with her doesn't mean she's the end-all and be-all of baby-making. Other people can do hormone tests-- on a time-frame of our choosing-- and we did our own ICI at home in August. It didn't work, but neither did the IUI at her office. That doesn't mean it's Heather's hormone levels; some of this is just about playing the odds. Heather won $200 at the casino over the weekend and I think she can beat this game, too.