Wednesday, June 1, 2011

It ain't over till the fat lady bleeds

I called Heather just before the end of the work day to ask what her plans were for Girls' Night Out.  (Phat Girls, if we're going to take the whole honest/accurate approach.)  She said she didn't know anything yet, but "Don't you want to know how I'm feeling?"

No.  No, I sure don't.

In the past few cycles-- or, rather, in every single one of the five previous goddamn cycles-- Heather has gotten caught up in how she feels and what it could possibly mean.  The first time, when Heather was totally certain she was pregnant, she thought her cervix was turning blue within five days of insemination and that the veins in her breasts were more prominent.  (Nurse Nina told us to play cards and stop obsessing.)  The rest of the cycles bleed together, so to speak, in a mix of breast aches, breast heaviness, cramps, grumpiness, sleepiness...  And each time we got a negative, Heather would swear that, next time, she was going to ignore everything her body told her because it was so untrustworthy.  Later, she decided that it would mean something when she didn't feel anything at all.

Magically, Heather's been very low-key this cycle.  Her breasts got achy, but she didn't get caught up in it.  She was surprised, especially after that flashing m, that she wasn't cramping yet if her period was so close.  I let myself believe.

But I told Heather this afternoon that, while I didn't want to know, I could guess and she might as well tell me.

"My stomach hurts, in kind of a crampy way, and I have a terrible headache."

I didn't-- I don't-- have the spirit to argue.  Maybe it's gas and caffeine withdrawal, but there's no reason to drag this out.  She feels what she feels, and we'll just wait to see how it plays out.  There's nothing else to do right now.

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