Thursday, June 9, 2011

Sperm bank social media: how Fairfax Cryobank and the Cryolab need to step their motherf-ing game up

I'm failing to subdue my latent hostility for the sperm banks that are not the California Cryobank, and I have little other than contempt for their social media efforts.

For instance, both Fairfax Cryobank and Cryogenic Laboratories are on Twitter.  Both of them totally suck on Twitter.  They're on Facebook, and they totally suck on Facebook.  They're already all but impossible to distinguish from one another-- not that they'll let you share information between them, wenches-- and I certainly can't distinguish between their respective levels of social-media suckiness.

Sometimes my bosses let me pretend I'm "more than just a receptionist" by running our company's social media efforts.  I took the bone that was thrown to me and ran with it, and I do a pretty good job.  And, even if I don't, I read a lot about how other people do a good job with it-- enough to know that a post about the history of semen cryopreservation is not hitting the target. 

That's the thing: presentation matters.  Websites matter, and spelling matters, and smart people on the phone matter.  I may be broke, but Heather is spending a world of money on this, and it's hard to feel like that's a solid investment sometimes: we're not pregnant, and the people we're depending on can't think of anything better to say about babies and pregnancy and fertility than a regurgitation of that goddamn Eleanor Roosevelt quote.

These banks are representing, whether they think about it or not, their donors.  That's their product.  What kind of shitty-ass, uneducated, unmotivated, bad-Facebooking products are they offering to us?  I want a smart donor who can help us create a smart child.  It is IMPORTANT that our child create grammatically-appropriate sentences, and, fuck you, I expect some whimsical Tweeting in the package.

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