Wednesday, September 7, 2011
"They don't just do it when's something wrong, goofball!"
The last time I posted, I was waiting to hear from Heather's doctor's assistant, Ashley. (Right, because we've got another doctor, and there are new receptionists and assistants, radiologists and techs, all of whom have names that we probably don't need to remember since we'll probably be on to the next doctor, with her assistants and receptionists and specialists, in a few weeks.) Ashley'd called Heather, I'd called her, then... I'm not totally sure, but I know I ended up finally talking to her, asking what kind of follow-up we needed to do after Heather's preliminary HSG results.
Ashley, to be honest, seemed a little startled by my question (which is pretty ridiculous since I'd left her two voicemail messages which asked exactly that). She said that the test results looked good.
Goddamn it, Ashley!
Does this mean they've reviewed the x-rays multiple times, in detail, or that they're going with the young radiologist's initial, cursory evaluation? Is she telling me more than what we already knew? Why didn't they call us if they learned something? Do they not take us seriously? If there's not an expensive problem-- a clog or blockage or tiny toy car stuck in Heather's tubes-- do they not want her as a patient? Did they figure out that I'm the one calling but I'm not really Heather and they don't want to work with someone they can't really trust, like Dylan leaving Helena on The L Word when that crazy bitch Jenny told her about their secret test?
All unclear. I tried again.
"Okay, but if there's no problem, what's the next step? I'd like to get some more feedback from Dr. C about whether we should explore other tests or other procedures."
Ashley again seemed surprised, like she hadn't given this much thought. I wondered if I was asking something unusual. Was I assuming Dr. C wanted a second date when she really wasn't interested? Was Ashley trying to tell me that Dr. C planned to shampoo her hair that night? (FYI, folks, the first Wednesday in September is Elaborate Metaphor Day.)
Trying still to puzzle it out, she asked if there were specific tests I had in mind.
"You know. Hormone levels and whatnot. About a year ago, we did some tests where they checked her levels at different parts of her cycle over a couple months, and it would be nice to confirm that everything was still looking okay."
Ashley said she'd have to check with Dr. C and call back.
Because phone tag is fundamentally what this blog is about, what instead happened is that Ashley called Heather, confusing both of them, and Heather called me to say that apparently Dr. C wanted her to get blood drawn (See? See?) on Day 3 of her cycle and then Day 21.
So now we're waiting for Heather's period with unusual enthusiasm, since it means that we can feel we're getting something done when we really aren't doing anything: Heather gets blood drawn and we've done our duty for the month. Right on.
I asked Heather, as I seem to do all the time, what she would want to do if all the tests turned out okay again. "If there's nothing wrong with you, do we just keep doing ICI at home? IVF seems like a big jump if your eggs and hormones are all good."
"They don't just do it when's something wrong, goofball! I'm 38. In baby-making time, that's almost dead."