While drinking at work is (in my workplace, anyhow) discouraged, taking Xanax
is not. I'm not sure how much it's going to take me to get through
tomorrow and I can't help thinking it would be more efficient just to
drink. Rules is rules, though
Yesterday was painful. I ached with anticipation the way Heather's body
ached with hormones. She continued, and continues, to tell me about
all her symptoms and what percentage of certain she is, while I
marshaled my own forces to fight off that confidence. It seems like
setting myself up for disappointment, or maybe it's the
Christmas-morning thing: I don't want to think about my presents until
I'm opening them. The one time my sister encouraged me otherwise--"Okay,
what did you ask for? What did you say you really wanted? Now, what
size might that box be?"-- I found the unwrapping of my Barbie motor home
anticlimactic. A Barbie motor home should never be anticlimactic.
Those fuckers are miraculous.
I'm told that babies are miracles, too. Finding out we're having one
should be a crazy-ass, epic climax, not the drawn-out, cautious
happiness that we have now. Right? But it seems kind of ridiculous to
shove my head in the sand just to make a point about Christmas morning.
If Heather has rejected, with no sign of temptation, half a breakfast
sandwich-- even when I offered just the bacon-- then there's good reason to
be suspicious of her body. I can easily believe that she's swollen and
achy because of the progesterone and estrogen she's still taking (so
much progesterone, in fact, that her muscles can barely absorb it), but I
don't know that either of those drugs cause women to reject, out of
hand, the greatest food there is. (Okay, short of cake. Cake might be
better than bacon.)
No, the idea of bacon didn't nauseate her, she said. That would have
been reassuring. Instead, she made me go to Jason's Deli for lunch so
she could eat hard-boiled eggs and leafy greens. "They say egg yolks
are really good during pregnancy. And string cheese. I like string
cheese. Baby, if we get the word tomorrow, we're going grocery shopping
and we're getting eggs. Eggs and broccoli and juice. I like
broccoli."
Don't think I won't be eating secret junk food on the side.
But Rachel - you have to tell us (mainly me) what happens tomorrow! I feel like we're bff and I've been waiting all week to hear the news! Please don't keep us in the dark! Could I bribe you with the promise of Sara Lee shipments?
ReplyDeleteDear bestie: Heather says I'm allowed to post our news, so I'll be able to accommodate after all. Nothing yet, though...
DeleteMust. Have. Update!
DeleteI'm so positive for you both :) I am a ball of nerves right now, I couldn't even finish my lunch!! Wishing the both of you the outcome you want and deserve! Much love xoxoxo BIG HUGS from FL
ReplyDeleteOh, thanks for all the good vibes! We haven't heard anything yet...
Delete