Day 1 Million of the Pre-Pregnancy Diet: Walnuts, Plums, and Parking

I've been reading a book about preparing your body for optimum fertility, and I kind of want to be a jerk about it-- "They demand so much!  It's absurd!  I have to give up gluten and dairy and all carbs!"-- but it's actually pretty reasonable.  There are guidelines for charting and eating and whatnot, but the authors say, "Well, listen, if it's too much or it stresses you out to track your temperature, skip it.  If you eat right 80% of the time, that's great; don't deprive yourself of everything."  And, really, eating watermelon and cantaloupe hardly sounds arduous.

Apparently there's an association between the brightness of a fruit or vegetable's color and its nutritional value, as well as an association between the item's color and its particular nutrient, so they recommend a mix of blue/purple items, like grapes and plums and blueberries, with reds, like peppers and tomatoes and watermelon.  Dude, I love watermelon.  Of course, the trick is that it's all supposed to be organic, lest various chemicals leach into your body, and that's an expensive pain in the ass.  I'm not really a farmers-market kind of girl.  Oh, and flaxseed: I'm supposed to put flaxseed in everything.  This is some hippie shit.

That said, buying $50 of organic produce is a pretty good investment if there's a possibility that it could save us $1,000 in sperm.  Even the cheaper stuff is $600 for a vial, before you calculate shipping, and I'd really prefer to keep speculum time to a minimum.  The less Heather has to look at my cervix, or squirt sperm towards it, the less wrenching, humiliating pain involved.  I mean, until childbirth.