Friday was easy: I got fussy when I cooked dinner (an undelicious dish of salmon, asparagus, and whole-wheat noodles) and reminded Heather that I was due to start any day now. Lo, Saturday morning, I was greeted with red, just in time to update the fertility monitor and to inspire profound self-doubt.
If this "pre-mester" of preparing my body is really important, than is
trying to get pregnant after only a month of following its tenets going
to be enough? How many flaxseeds, or acupuncture sessions, does it take
to make a difference? Should I wait another month? Or should I just
go for it? Heather, impressed that I've maintained self-control for
over a week, is ready to make the move.
And, to be honest, there's a
part of me that's still pretty cocky: I'm barely thirty, my cycle runs
like clockwork, and that one time at the IVF clinic they saw a bunch of
follicles. Golden, right? Except that I'm not convinced that anyone is
golden. Our previous experience demonstrated how little you know in
advance about someone's fertility: outward signs might be great, and
even a huge number of tests might look great, but sometimes there are
other, buried issues that catch you off-guard.
Nonetheless, I'm doing my visualizations. I'm imagining the follicles
growing. My uterine lining is developing into a thick, warm home for embryos. Heather and I have picked a donor, and this is happening in a week.