Sunday, April 17, 2011

Of Cryobanks, donors, and "family solutions"

"Family solutions" is what Fairfax Cryobank labels its discount donors-- I'm still waiting on the Groupon-- and, given our financial considerations, I've scanned through the options a few times.  On each occasion, I begin by saying to myself that this could be a great way of discovering someone we missed, while also discovering sperm on the low-low.


Sperm banks have no business discounting donors.  No decent lesbo is looking for blem genetic material, and, if she is, she better just head on down to the bar to find a liquored-up man-slut.  The curse of using a cryobank instead of a person you've gotten to know and bond with is that you know all this shit about them, without any personal contact to justify it.  "Oh, I love this person very much, I want to raise a child with him/her, he/she is smart and attractive, so we'll just find a way to deal with asthma"-- this does not apply.  What applies is "This jackass's grandparents all had cancer, he only has an associate's degree, and the staff says his best quality is his smile.  F--k that."  I'm a lady who can find a lot of ways to spend $50, but I don't even want to buy a dress that will need alterations, and I for sure don't want to buy a baby that's going to need a lifetime of inhalers.

Meanwhile, I am mad at the Fairfax Cryobank for not faxing the physician registration form like they promised when I called last week.  I really don't like talking on the phone, and if I'm going to do it, I want some goddamn results.  Still, it could just be my California Cryobank prejudice speaking.  I miss Shawnbay.  I also miss our Iranian donor, though, and he didn't do anything for us. 

What I need to do is espouse Heather's attitude: a baby is a baby, and so long as we get one, the cryobank's unacceptable, bullshit failure to fax, along with their indefensible offering of cheap, genetically-dubious sperm, is a background issue at worst.  This is our fifth try; if we don't make get pregnant this time or the sixth, we'll have to explore fertility treatments.  Also bullshit.

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