Meditations on morning sickness

I have passed the 15 week mark and had very much expected to be in the golden age of my pregnancy.  I was promised that the second trimester meant heightened energy, heightened sex drive, and the petering-out of morning sickness, but no dice. 

 

I know, I know—every woman’s pregnancy experience is different, and some women have morning sickness throughout, but I figured that, since mine had been so spotty during the first trimester, surely it wasn’t assuming too much to think that I’d be a perfect candidate for a magical, nausea-free second trimester.  Yet my 14-and-a-half mark was spent curled up in bed, emerging from the blankets only to vomit when I was foolish enough to roll over.  The dry heaves are a regular occurrence, at any hour of the day, and oddly enough the most dangerous moments of the day are getting into and out of the shower.  I had to stop halfway through this paragraph to reconsider my oatmeal.  I mean, goddamn it, I got up early to make a healthy breakfast, and now I’m not even getting my whole grains.  I could have been asleep for another half hour.  What a fucking scam.

 

Midwife Jamie was sympathetic, even to my confession of turning to McDonald’s in desperate times.  It’s kind of bullshit that, when I’m nourishing new life, I’m barely able to eat grown-person food that might actually benefit the little one.  Heather thinks I’m poisoning our fetus with McDonald’s, but I think our fetus needs to calm her ass down if she wants vegetables.  My understanding is that nausea is a side effect of the hormones that support a healthy placenta, which is why I thought it was such a great sign during the first trimester, but by what logic is the healthy placenta’s formation preventing me from keeping down healthy food? 

 

What I will say is that morning sickness has made for some interesting grocery hauls.  Back when I was trying to get knocked up, it was fresh fruit all the time; yesterday, I got two packs of bagels, a package of bagel thins, wheat bread, frozen waffles, Club crackers, and Cheerios.  I got some fruit, too, but right now it’s in my little pink lunch bag, waiting for me to care.