Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Amazing. You're welcome.

Okay: amazing.  Heather and I went to a new guy to get our hair colored earlier this week, and he is not a fella who cuts corners when it comes to time or highlights.  Heather was in probably phase 948564 while I was on a break between phases 93495734 and 9934753497, so Barry and I sat together for a few minutes chatting.  (I'm using his real name, which is unusual in this blog, because he's so good that I can't bear to hide his light under a pseudonymous bushel.)

Barry knew that we were trying to make a baby and asked me when we were going to start that up.  I said it would be after we came back from our vacation in June.  That is a mere footnote to what came next.

"So are you going with in vitro or...?" he asked.
"We're going to start with just home insemination," I said.
"That's what we did with our dog," he said matter-of-factly.

What the actual fuck? is what I did not say, but thought.

"Yeah.  We took her to the vet, and they told me afterwards that they had propped her hind-parts up so gravity could assist."

I would have said something about the rotisserie-chicken technique recommended by Nurse Nina, but there was not an adequate pause, nor do I think the impregnation of lesbians interested him all that much.

"When I picked her up that afternoon," Barry said, "I knew right away.  I told the vet that she was pregnant and I could tell.  He said there was no way to know because nothing would have happened yet.  I told him, though.  I knew.  I said that she was pregnant, that she would have five girls and three boys, and that one of them would be black & white."

I nodded, waiting for the punchline.

"The vet said there was no way for her to have a black & white puppy given her color and the father's, but I just knew.  And guess what she ended up having?"

Dude.  Guess.


  1. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this. I mean really? On the one hand, it's sad that he just equated your baby making journey to a dog's insemination. On the other hand, it's kind of hilarious that he found it so important to tell you! LOL, the people we meet, right?!

  2. Well then you should totally go see him when you start trying again! He seems to have mystical powers.