Wednesday, June 1, 2011

M is for Maybe

We got a flashing m on the fertility monitor Tuesday.  It means that Heather's period is due in the next few days, based on her cycle history, and our countdown might not make it till Friday.

Unless it does make it till Friday, which might mean Heather's pregnant.

We've gone back and forth about when to test.  We (and by "we" I mean "Heather") have had a hard time making it the full two weeks after insemination to test and, if we made it till Friday, it would be our best effort yet.  (Yet.)  Heather worries that a negative test Friday would ruin my birthday, and I worry that I'd be anxious all day if we put it off, while testing Thursday would put us back in that miserably familiar territory that comes of an early test: it's negative, but it doesn't count since it isn't a full two weeks, but you really know it does count and you're not pregnant, but you have to pretend that there's still hope, so you're grieving and ashamed at the same time.

So Friday it is, if I have my way, and I'd better get my way, because that's what birthdays are about.  That and cake.

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